No Fairy Jokes, Please
Nov. 30th, 2011 07:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackofknavesTitle: No Fairy Jokes, Please
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tripatch
Rating: G
Pairing: Nick/Monroe
Summary: For the kinkmeme prompt, "Monroe is about to get his boyfriend mauled by another Blutbad that doesn't like them shacking up together. This could have been prevented if he'd had a Sassy Gay Friend."
There was the heavy sound of breathing, jeans brushing against each other and the snap and crackling of dry twigs and pine underfoot. Nick's eyes were wide in his face, gun loaded, safety off, and he brought it up, scanning the woods for any sign of the other blutbad. Monroe panted beside him, sniffing the air occasionally and looking desperate.
From the northwest, a branch cracked and they whirled, Nick sighting the gun and breathing out, trying to calm himself. He would only have time for one shot.
Another blutbad burst from the underbrush. His eyes were a dull red and the smell of him was enough to turn Monroe's stomach.
"Enough," the other blutbad growled. "A Grimm? You would betray your own kind?"
"I haven't betrayed--look, why don't you go your way and I'll go mine and he'll go mine, and--"
"Shut up!" The blutbad took a step closer, ready to attack. Monroe primed himself. Nick's finger found the trigger.
All of this was prevented by a Sassy Gay Friend, who suddenly appeared out of the underbrush wearing a loud scarf wrapped around his neck.
"What, what, WHAT are you doing?" he asked.
The three looked at him, nonplussed at his sudden appearance.
"Monroe, honey, what is this?"
Monroe coughed. "Um."
"If you had just listened and let your boyfriend tell people you were together--or were you embarrassed by him?"
"It wasn't like that!" Monroe protested, but Nick gave him a hurt look.
"You sure didn't act like you weren't..." he said lowly.
"I can't believe you! If he were smarter, he would have kicked your lyin' ass out!" He punctuated this with a snap of his fingers and a head bobble.
He whirled on Nick. "And you, really? You never take him out on dates, except this." He wrinkled his nose. "Ewww! Camping. Take him out for a steak dinner, honey!"
Finally he turned to the blutbad and looked him up and down.
"And you..."
The blutbad stared at him.
The SGF leaned back and gave him an evaluating look. "You've got the basics of the outdoorsy, butch look down, but there is such a thing as too much. And your hair! This calls for," he paused for dramatic effect before doing jazz hands, "makeover!"
He grabbed him through the arm and led him away, excitedly telling the interested blutbad about the wonders of hair gel and contact lenses.
When Nick and Monroe got home, and after they had made up in a scene which was definitely not G-rated, Nick wandered out to the trailer and opened the Grimm Book O' Creatures. He flipped through until he found the right page.
Sassy Gay Friend: A common enough creature, appearing mainly in desperate relationship straits and makeover montages, wearing a flamboyant scarf and affecting mannerisms while quipping sassy one-liners.
Extremely dangerous. Approach with caution. And for God's sakes, don't let one re-decorate your house!
Author:
tripatchRating: G
Pairing: Nick/Monroe
Summary: For the kinkmeme prompt, "Monroe is about to get his boyfriend mauled by another Blutbad that doesn't like them shacking up together. This could have been prevented if he'd had a Sassy Gay Friend."
There was the heavy sound of breathing, jeans brushing against each other and the snap and crackling of dry twigs and pine underfoot. Nick's eyes were wide in his face, gun loaded, safety off, and he brought it up, scanning the woods for any sign of the other blutbad. Monroe panted beside him, sniffing the air occasionally and looking desperate.
From the northwest, a branch cracked and they whirled, Nick sighting the gun and breathing out, trying to calm himself. He would only have time for one shot.
Another blutbad burst from the underbrush. His eyes were a dull red and the smell of him was enough to turn Monroe's stomach.
"Enough," the other blutbad growled. "A Grimm? You would betray your own kind?"
"I haven't betrayed--look, why don't you go your way and I'll go mine and he'll go mine, and--"
"Shut up!" The blutbad took a step closer, ready to attack. Monroe primed himself. Nick's finger found the trigger.
All of this was prevented by a Sassy Gay Friend, who suddenly appeared out of the underbrush wearing a loud scarf wrapped around his neck.
"What, what, WHAT are you doing?" he asked.
The three looked at him, nonplussed at his sudden appearance.
"Monroe, honey, what is this?"
Monroe coughed. "Um."
"If you had just listened and let your boyfriend tell people you were together--or were you embarrassed by him?"
"It wasn't like that!" Monroe protested, but Nick gave him a hurt look.
"You sure didn't act like you weren't..." he said lowly.
"I can't believe you! If he were smarter, he would have kicked your lyin' ass out!" He punctuated this with a snap of his fingers and a head bobble.
He whirled on Nick. "And you, really? You never take him out on dates, except this." He wrinkled his nose. "Ewww! Camping. Take him out for a steak dinner, honey!"
Finally he turned to the blutbad and looked him up and down.
"And you..."
The blutbad stared at him.
The SGF leaned back and gave him an evaluating look. "You've got the basics of the outdoorsy, butch look down, but there is such a thing as too much. And your hair! This calls for," he paused for dramatic effect before doing jazz hands, "makeover!"
He grabbed him through the arm and led him away, excitedly telling the interested blutbad about the wonders of hair gel and contact lenses.
When Nick and Monroe got home, and after they had made up in a scene which was definitely not G-rated, Nick wandered out to the trailer and opened the Grimm Book O' Creatures. He flipped through until he found the right page.
Sassy Gay Friend: A common enough creature, appearing mainly in desperate relationship straits and makeover montages, wearing a flamboyant scarf and affecting mannerisms while quipping sassy one-liners.
Extremely dangerous. Approach with caution. And for God's sakes, don't let one re-decorate your house!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-03 08:47 pm (UTC)Oh my loooooooooooooooord this is perfect. I'm literally still laughing out loud. My roommates are gonna think I'm crazy. Heeheeheeheeheehee...
(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-03 11:09 pm (UTC)Heh, I'm pretty sure my roommate always thinks I'm crazy (especially since I try to explain, "No, no, just read this!" and he gives me funny looks and asks, "What are you reading?")!
(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-14 06:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-14 09:57 pm (UTC)